Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
There was an old lady who swallowed a fly, which my father bought for two zuzim
I would never convert; I am very firmly a Christian. However, I have just decided that Judaism is amazing.
Did you know they have their own very ancient version of 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly'? But instead it's about one little goat, one little goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. And then the cat came and ate the goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. And then the dog came, which bit the cat, which ate the goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. This goes on and on, as I'm sure you can imagine, finally culminating in:
One little goat, one little goat,
Then came the Holy One, Blessed be He,
and smote the angel of death,
who slew the slaughterer,
who killed the ox,
that drank the water,
that extinguished the fire,
that burned the stick,
that beat the dog,
that bit the cat,
that ate the goat,
which my father bought for two zuzim.
The best thing? They sing it every passover. Every year! Can you imagine? All I have to do is work out a Christianity (Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords-a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, FIIIIIVE. GOLDEN RINGS. Fourcallingbirds threefrenchhens twoturtledoves AND A PARTIDGE IN A PEAR TREE) /Judaism religion where I can also sing the repetitive song about the lady and her fly and the song that never ends, and I will be happy forever.
And also have no friends.
Psht. Details.
Did you know they have their own very ancient version of 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly'? But instead it's about one little goat, one little goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. And then the cat came and ate the goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. And then the dog came, which bit the cat, which ate the goat, which my father bought for two zuzim. This goes on and on, as I'm sure you can imagine, finally culminating in:
One little goat, one little goat,
Then came the Holy One, Blessed be He,
and smote the angel of death,
who slew the slaughterer,
who killed the ox,
that drank the water,
that extinguished the fire,
that burned the stick,
that beat the dog,
that bit the cat,
that ate the goat,
which my father bought for two zuzim.
The best thing? They sing it every passover. Every year! Can you imagine? All I have to do is work out a Christianity (Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords-a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, FIIIIIVE. GOLDEN RINGS. Fourcallingbirds threefrenchhens twoturtledoves AND A PARTIDGE IN A PEAR TREE) /Judaism religion where I can also sing the repetitive song about the lady and her fly and the song that never ends, and I will be happy forever.
And also have no friends.
Psht. Details.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Rainbows
I love this and totally want it but with bigger windows and a library with a spiral staircase and an orchard with fruit trees and also lots of other trees I can climb and build treehouses in & also a dog and a cat and an elephant or two, if that wouldn't be too much trouble:
but everyone I've shown it to has said that it might send the wrong message about the inhabitants - mostly that I might like girls a lot. Like, like a lot lot.
But screw you guys. Rainbows are for everyone, just like unicorns and kittens and some other thing to make a third thing so it all fits together nicely. Also, this:
Also, when did rainbows stop meaning promises from God never to flood the world again or pots of gold? Or is it that all gay people who embrace the rainbow flags are actually really rich like leprechauns and you just have to ask them the right question or catch them or something and then they give it to you? But not 'give it to you' in that way.
So there. Or something.
(found after exploring this wonderful blog)
but everyone I've shown it to has said that it might send the wrong message about the inhabitants - mostly that I might like girls a lot. Like, like a lot lot.
But screw you guys. Rainbows are for everyone, just like unicorns and kittens and some other thing to make a third thing so it all fits together nicely. Also, this:
Also, when did rainbows stop meaning promises from God never to flood the world again or pots of gold? Or is it that all gay people who embrace the rainbow flags are actually really rich like leprechauns and you just have to ask them the right question or catch them or something and then they give it to you? But not 'give it to you' in that way.
So there. Or something.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Deduction
I already did this one once. I'm not sure how well it worked. I felt loved and found when I came back, but I did smell very bad. That's never going to get you any friends.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Happiness Factory
Also, for anyone with bad eyesight who hasn't figured it out yet, you can click on the image and it gets BIGGER. Like magic. Or like a link that leads to a bigger picture of the same thing.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Pancakes and zebras, oh yeah!
Happy pancakes day!
This is, without a doubt, one of my FAVOURITE days of the entire year. I get to make pancakes (!!!!!) and stuff my face with chocolates in preparation for a whole month without them. I really couldn't be happier right now. Oohhhhhh yes!
In case you've not worked it out (which, unless you're psychic, you've probably not) the recent comics have been my own creations. I've not had so many words to say of happy things, so instead have been filling the sad moments with happy hobbies - the latest of which has been these. Admittedly some have taken on a more sombre tone, but I really do quite enjoy brainstorming for ideas and then getting to draw them afterwards. So, have another:
And now I'm off for some more pancakes. I've still got some genuine maple syrup from my wee sister's trip to Canada and I plan to make very good use of it.
This is, without a doubt, one of my FAVOURITE days of the entire year. I get to make pancakes (!!!!!) and stuff my face with chocolates in preparation for a whole month without them. I really couldn't be happier right now. Oohhhhhh yes!
In case you've not worked it out (which, unless you're psychic, you've probably not) the recent comics have been my own creations. I've not had so many words to say of happy things, so instead have been filling the sad moments with happy hobbies - the latest of which has been these. Admittedly some have taken on a more sombre tone, but I really do quite enjoy brainstorming for ideas and then getting to draw them afterwards. So, have another:
And now I'm off for some more pancakes. I've still got some genuine maple syrup from my wee sister's trip to Canada and I plan to make very good use of it.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Solutions
Although having found one solution, I've created another problem by not working out how to make the picture fit. Oops. Which has now been SOLVED by my genius brother. Oh yeah!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Resolute
Happy new year! Where did all of that time go? It's time for me to dust out the cobwebs and give this blog a good old rattling up. I've been glum for some time and am finally claiming back my time. It's a funny thing - the more I need to find happiness in the everyday things, the harder it is. But less dilly-dallying, and on with the happy things in life.
New years mean new resolutions and new jobs, and fitness and eating more healthy things and exfoliating more often, reading fewer trashy books and hoovering once a week at least. And the list goes on and on and on, and most of them are all out of the window by the time Valentine's rolls around and you realise you still can't fit into that outfit you wanted to be able to and you really wish you'd dusted and learnt to cook before inviting him around for dinner.
I say: screw it. Find a good one that ticks a lot of the right sort of boxes, and stick to it. Make it fun.
Like me. I'm getting out of bed early every morning and showering so that I can't go back to sleep (unless I want a damp bed). And also making sure I always eat breakfast. At the same time.
Apples and kiwis and grapefruits are all a big go for shower food.. It makes them way more fun - juicier even, and you get to cleanse your palette every so often and get the zing from the first taste all over again. How very classy! And fun. I'm definitely sticking to this.
Just as an FYI, it doesn't work so well with cereal, or bacon and eggs on toast. So I guess I'm adding 'eat more fruit and veg' to my list.
New years mean new resolutions and new jobs, and fitness and eating more healthy things and exfoliating more often, reading fewer trashy books and hoovering once a week at least. And the list goes on and on and on, and most of them are all out of the window by the time Valentine's rolls around and you realise you still can't fit into that outfit you wanted to be able to and you really wish you'd dusted and learnt to cook before inviting him around for dinner.
I say: screw it. Find a good one that ticks a lot of the right sort of boxes, and stick to it. Make it fun.
Like me. I'm getting out of bed early every morning and showering so that I can't go back to sleep (unless I want a damp bed). And also making sure I always eat breakfast. At the same time.
Apples and kiwis and grapefruits are all a big go for shower food.. It makes them way more fun - juicier even, and you get to cleanse your palette every so often and get the zing from the first taste all over again. How very classy! And fun. I'm definitely sticking to this.
Just as an FYI, it doesn't work so well with cereal, or bacon and eggs on toast. So I guess I'm adding 'eat more fruit and veg' to my list.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Glamour
I'm sorting through a jewellery box that's been in storage for absolutely yonks. After finding the key to the box buried at the bottom of a shoebox full of memories, I cracked it open, and there, glittering beautifully, was an entire chest of silver and sparkles.
I feel as though I've robbed a jewellery store. I rarely wear more than just a single pair of earrings, and occasionally I'll go through a phase of wearing one particular necklace for a long time. The most recent necklace subjected to this ordeal broke and I think I just always assumed that the others collided with the same fate, or got lost along the way. But here in my jewellery box, I've found relics of the past. I sift through it, and memories spring up at me through the glitz. Here and there, the chains have tangled up; I find a delicate pendant from my first boyfriend solidly clinging to a tacky number I bought for a fling with fashion photography. Scattered amongst the silver ropes and cubic zirconia diamonds are a number of earrings, some with partners, some without, and I am surprised when it makes me sad to think of letting any of the lonely ones go. I manage to slowly dig through the collection, untangling as I go, and it feels like no time at all has passed since I began, even though I can feel the darkness settling outside.
Once I'm done I pick up each piece, one after the other, and lay them reverently back down in the box, all in their own neat compartments. I'm almost definitely too sentimental and I know that I probably won't wear half of them ever again. But I remember exactly how each and every one was acquired, and some of the events they accompanied me through. Not all were happy and not all make for the best memories, but most do, and this is what I cling to. Somehow in this box, in these tiny pieces of mostly worthless metal, I've captured memories of good times with friends, and gifts picked out just for me because for one small moment, I was at the forefront of the purchaser's mind.
It makes me feel alive, loved, unique, special...and sorely in need of the ability to throw things away.
I feel as though I've robbed a jewellery store. I rarely wear more than just a single pair of earrings, and occasionally I'll go through a phase of wearing one particular necklace for a long time. The most recent necklace subjected to this ordeal broke and I think I just always assumed that the others collided with the same fate, or got lost along the way. But here in my jewellery box, I've found relics of the past. I sift through it, and memories spring up at me through the glitz. Here and there, the chains have tangled up; I find a delicate pendant from my first boyfriend solidly clinging to a tacky number I bought for a fling with fashion photography. Scattered amongst the silver ropes and cubic zirconia diamonds are a number of earrings, some with partners, some without, and I am surprised when it makes me sad to think of letting any of the lonely ones go. I manage to slowly dig through the collection, untangling as I go, and it feels like no time at all has passed since I began, even though I can feel the darkness settling outside.
Once I'm done I pick up each piece, one after the other, and lay them reverently back down in the box, all in their own neat compartments. I'm almost definitely too sentimental and I know that I probably won't wear half of them ever again. But I remember exactly how each and every one was acquired, and some of the events they accompanied me through. Not all were happy and not all make for the best memories, but most do, and this is what I cling to. Somehow in this box, in these tiny pieces of mostly worthless metal, I've captured memories of good times with friends, and gifts picked out just for me because for one small moment, I was at the forefront of the purchaser's mind.
It makes me feel alive, loved, unique, special...and sorely in need of the ability to throw things away.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
B is for Bob
Since arriving back from travelling, life's been pretty tough. The job I was meant to be starting fell through, and somehow everything seems to be going wrong. It's getting harder and harder to find things to be happy about, but this gave me a little boost today:
I'm hopping back on that horse, and plodding on with the job hunt and a search for some sort of direction. And every little thing, is gonna be all right!
I'm hopping back on that horse, and plodding on with the job hunt and a search for some sort of direction. And every little thing, is gonna be all right!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Those Chile Miners.
Now, I'm sure you've found it just as wonderful and exciting and lovely as I have watching the 33 miners being rescued (and if this is news to you, where have you BEEN?! Apart from possibly stuck down a mine....), but has anyone else wondered how the media would describe you in two or three lines for a nice, short and snappy newspiece?
Some of the wonderful answers I've received so far:
"Glenn Selwood, 23, will be the 25th man out of the mine. A law student from Britain, we are still not sure how he got there in the first place."
"Suzannah Hastings, 23, will be the 26th person to be rescued from the mine. Little could be gleaned about her personal life, but she was well known for requesting that both cereal and ice cold milk be sent down the mine. It was only later that she remembered a bowl might have been useful."
"Rachel Frigot, 23, will be the 27th person out of the mine. It is believed that she became convinced that the walls were made of icing."
(And later) "A delay in the rescue effort this evening, as it was discovered that Rachel's tongue has fused to the wall of the cave. Specialised prying tools are being sent into the mine"
"Edward Rustin, 29, is the 28th out of the mine. He asked if he could go back please, as it was nice and peaceful down there and he'd just got to a really good bit on his book."
"Charlie Smith, 24, is 29th man to be rescued from the mine. He became trapped after digging his way to Chile during an over-enthusiastic excavation in his back garden."
"Travis Radicke, 25, was reluctantly the 32nd person out of the mine. He was much dissapointed to learn that he wouldn't get to hold the record for being stuck underground for the longest time. Finding the whole circumstance exciting, he asked to ride the phoenix capsule several more times upon being extracted."
"Vladimir Gostrer, 28, will be the 73rd person to be rescued from the mine. It was not known where all those people came from but apparently Vlad kept running around the collapsed mine and finding more people. His first words on the surface were: "Does anyone have a cup of fresh joe? I got tons of things to do."
I'd love to hear some more! Share them with me - it makes me giggle :)
Some of the wonderful answers I've received so far:
"Glenn Selwood, 23, will be the 25th man out of the mine. A law student from Britain, we are still not sure how he got there in the first place."
"Suzannah Hastings, 23, will be the 26th person to be rescued from the mine. Little could be gleaned about her personal life, but she was well known for requesting that both cereal and ice cold milk be sent down the mine. It was only later that she remembered a bowl might have been useful."
"Rachel Frigot, 23, will be the 27th person out of the mine. It is believed that she became convinced that the walls were made of icing."
(And later) "A delay in the rescue effort this evening, as it was discovered that Rachel's tongue has fused to the wall of the cave. Specialised prying tools are being sent into the mine"
"Edward Rustin, 29, is the 28th out of the mine. He asked if he could go back please, as it was nice and peaceful down there and he'd just got to a really good bit on his book."
"Charlie Smith, 24, is 29th man to be rescued from the mine. He became trapped after digging his way to Chile during an over-enthusiastic excavation in his back garden."
"Travis Radicke, 25, was reluctantly the 32nd person out of the mine. He was much dissapointed to learn that he wouldn't get to hold the record for being stuck underground for the longest time. Finding the whole circumstance exciting, he asked to ride the phoenix capsule several more times upon being extracted."
"Vladimir Gostrer, 28, will be the 73rd person to be rescued from the mine. It was not known where all those people came from but apparently Vlad kept running around the collapsed mine and finding more people. His first words on the surface were: "Does anyone have a cup of fresh joe? I got tons of things to do."
I'd love to hear some more! Share them with me - it makes me giggle :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
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