Things not to do on a train

1. Look suspicious whilst carrying overly large bags (esp if bag emits ticking noise)

2. Put your feet on the seats. They get all moany.

3. Decide that it's much colder up north and so you should change from your shorts into your jeans. Then decide that going to a bathroom would be way too much effort so you should probably just change them right then and there because you're in an empty carriage, forgetting that Mr. Ticket Man has not yet been around, and so will undoubtably appear at just the wrong moment. However, this does mean that he might get in such a fluster that he then forgets to ask for your ticket. But I'd already bought mine. So I lost.

4. Write down a list of 'things not to do on a train' including embarrassing story after the train has filled up and there's a very nosey lady reading everything you write down. (Yes, lady, I mean YOU!)

5. Write to the person sitting beside you and accuse them of reading everything you're writing. It stifles all polite coversation when they start sulking. Who knew?!